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Sunday, February 15, 2015

So Sorry

I am so sorry that I haven't posted any new stories or poem in the last 5 or 6 months.  My computer went down and there is no fixing it.  I am able to go on my son's computer for short periods of time once in a while, but it's just not enough time to write much.  As soon as I can, I will be back with more stories and poems.  Thank you for reading!  Connie

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Pure Joy

Pure Joy

Things are hard for everyone, these days.  I know, I’ve seen it on the news.  Poverty, earthquakes, hurricanes, wow.  When I look at all of that I think, “I’m so lucky.”  But what I’m really thinking is, “Why are things so bad for me?”  
This all started on a Friday, my son, Elijah was really sick, fever, cough, sore throat, the works, and my son Michael was just getting over a cold.  I go to an ATM to pull some money off my card and it doesn’t work, I try many more times but no deal.  I get in the car and go to the grocery store, to use the ATM, before I go in, I pray, thank God, it worked and I get my money.  But on the way home, my engine light comes on.
Saturday morning, I get the rest of the money that I needed from the ATM at the grocery store, great, but Saturday night we all feel sick, Elijah’s got a cold, Michael is just getting over a cold, my husband Mark just wasn’t feeling well and my fibromylgia was acting up.                        
Early Sunday morning about 3:00 am, I wake up, Mark is awake and feeling very sick.  I’m in pain and Elijah is coughing.  Mark’s blood pressure is 212 over 109, that’s very high!  He asks for a bucket and he starts throwing up, then he throws up again, and again, and again.  I fell to my knees, crying, I feel like I’m in the storm, everything is going wrong!  I pray, “Jesus, help us! ”I turned off the TV.  I sat by Mark, who is still holding the bucket in one hand and his bottle of Nitro pills in the other hand.  I keep praying, I feel peace come over me.  I put my hand on Mark and I continue, Now Mark starts praying, and he lifts his hands.  Peace comes over our apartment, I feel it, It’s quiet, no more coughing.  Mark takes his blood pressure again, it’s 150 over 90, much better, I thank God.  I feel like things are going to be okay, we go back to sleep.  
Monday morning I wake up in great pain, my head is pounding, my hands hurt.  Michael and I go to get the car fixed, I have to, Mark has dialysis tomorrow.  We had to go to a place we haven’t been to before because it a holiday and the place we usually go to is closed.  The man talks me into much more than I counted on, but I feel like at least it will be done, but now we are $200.00 short in our rent.  I get home and go straight to bed.  
Tuesday morning, we are all feeling somewhat better.  I get in the car with Mark, heading to dialysis and the engine light comes on, and the air conditioner isn’t working, I start crying.  This feels like a huge  wind storm, but what comes to mind is, “Consider it pure joy.”  When I get home from taking Mark to dialysis, I look the scripture up in my Bible, I find, James 1:6, “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” That is what we have been going through, a huge storm, blown and tossed about.
I have been working on a story about palm trees.  When the palms have dry weather, they stretch out their roots to find water, which is a good thing because when a down fall comes, those palms who’s roots are deeply grounded, will stand.  Bend but not break, lean but not fall.  I wanted to believe I was that palm, but am I?  Well I’m still here! I may be going through a storm, but I do have roots that are grounded in the word of God.  I may bend but I will not fall, I will not break.
James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops  perseverance, perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  Yes, pure joy is what I’m going to have today, Tuesday.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Father's Day

For my dad

He was worn from years of work
He pointed to the lawn mower motor
His hands were rough and strong
“This is a spark plug, this is a rotor

Standing tall and slim
And with my full attention
He said, “It works the same
As a basic car engine”

Dad, older and wiser
Knows how to teach
Someone like me
A little hard to reach

He gave me his knowledge
Hard earned through the years
I smiled as I remembered
And blinked back the tears

It’s been three years since he’s passed
Into heaven to wait
I’ll see him again
Someday at the gate

Today on Fathers Day
I say a little prayer
I Think of him and smile
One day I will be there

Thursday, May 29, 2014

It Could Be Me

I see a woman day by day
At the bus bench where she lay
Where’s her family, where’s her kin?
No one helps, or lets her in

Clothes look dirty, old and worn
Her rough face, dour, forlorn
Dark, sun weathered, leather skin
I long to help, where to begin

Ignored by people passing by
All I want to do is cry
She carries all she owns in tow
Neighbors want to see her go

Desolation in her eyes
Disgust from others passing by
Distrust in her grave, helpless voice
Is living on the street her choice?

What can I do to help this girl
All alone in this harsh world
I pray for God to heal her heart
And that is how it all should start

This homeless child of God, could be me
That’s what everyone should see
In this big world, when feeling blue
Remember this, it could be you!

Monday, May 26, 2014


As I took a moment to take a breath and look around my room, I saw scattered books and toys, dolls, socks and shoes.  Pile on top of pile on top of colorful pile of shirts, pants and dresses and me, on the tip top of all of the piles, screaming!

What was I screaming about?  Who knows, I used to throw a temper tantrum at the drop of a hat.  If I was getting ready for school, or bed or just about anything, and things weren’t to my liking, I would scream, throw things ,pull my clothes out of my closet and sit right in the middle of it all until I got my way, or gave up, and it was almost always the latter.

I wasn’t a spoiled kid, but I did suffer from anxiety and depression. At the time no one understood what was wrong with me, we just knew that I wasn‘t like all of the other kids, so I went untreated, for many more years.

My poor parents had to deal with me and I’m glad that they were the incredible people that they were, and that knew Jesus, or I don’t know where I would be today. 

Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”   Some believe that this scripture gives license to spank or hurt their kids, but I don‘t believe that is what that scripture is saying!  What it does say is to discipline your children with a rod and if you look up rod in the dictionary, one meaning is a kind of a staff, used to steer the herds, not to beat them.

My parents guided me firmly, but lovingly, like a Sheppard guides his sheep.  In the Bible the rod became known as a sign of authority, Moses carried a rod when he returned to Egypt.   Sheppard’s would lead the way and count their valuable sheep with a rod.  It was even illegal to kill a servant with a rod.

I finally did get the help that I needed for my depression and anxiety, but not until I was an adult.  I don’t throw temper tantrums anymore either.  I do try to steer my kids with my imaginary rod and with help from God’s word and the Holy Spirit.

As David said in Psalm 23: “I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and staff they comport me.”  Let your rod guide and comfort your child.