A Small Pie

lyricoc@yahoo.com

I mashed the dough between my small fingers, and my mom reminded me, “Connie, don’t play with that dough to much, it will make the crust tough.”  So I shaped the dough into a ball, kind of, and I put it on a floured surface.  Mom helped me to hold the old heavy wooden rolling pin and make the ball into a smooth flat circle.  We somehow got the flat circle into a little ceramic dish.  
     
Mom cut the pealed apples into thin sections.  I picked each piece of apple gently up and delicately placed each piece into the dough covered dish.  Mom sprinkled some sugar and cinnamon on top of my creation, then she placed the mini apple pie into the hot oven along side the two full sized pies that she put in before mine.
     
I wanted to plop down in front of the oven to watch my pie cook, but Mom told me to go out side while she cleaned up.  “I’ll call you when it is done.”  Mom said.  
     
I ran out into our patio to play with my dolls, but who could play at a time like this.  I never baked an apple pie before, I’ve never baked anything!  But today I just thought I would ask, “Mom can I help?”  I asked and to my surprise, she brought out a stool for me to stand on and she handed me a bit of dough to actually make my own little apple pie.  
     
I will never forget this, I thought to myself as I dressed my doll in a casual outfit that she could bake a pie in.  Then I re-enacted the baking scene with my mother doll and my half sized five year old doll.
     
“It’s done!”  Mom called after what seemed like hours.  “Here it is,” She stood holding my pie, dark hair, dark eyes, a beauty, and she was smiling at me.  I touched the pie, it was just a little bit warm.  “It’s been cooling,”  Mom said, then added, “It’s almost time to eat dinner.”
     
I made it through the baking time, now I just have to make it through dinner.  I could hardly stand it, I felt so excited.
     
Dinner seemed to drag on.  When it was done, we cleared the dishes before dessert.  I thought to myself that it was almost time!  I remember feeling such happiness, I could have been shining!
     
I walked over, picked up my little pie, The thing that I was so proud of, the thing that took up so much of thoughts, today.
     
The little pie, it smelled so sweet, I cradled it in my small hands as I walked to the table and placed it in front of my mom and dad.  “I made this for you,”  I exclaimed.  They looked surprised, then delighted! And me, I felt warm and satisfied.  The feeling of giving, there is nothing like it.  That is what I learned that day.

Jesus himself said in Acts 20:35, “It is more blessed to give than to receive”

Barbie Toys

lyricoc@yahoo.com

Every year, I looked forward to summer.  The weather was warm, school was out, and my Mom, Dad, little brother and I took a trip each August to our family in Iowa.  

Marcia, my cousin, was my age.  We got along during our visits just like we had been together all year, instead of just two weeks.  We played with her new kittens, we dressed up and played our tennis racket guitars and we sat in her cherry tree eating cherries.

One of the days, my parents and Marcia’s parents, Marcia and I went to see my grandmother.  While the parents were in, visiting with grandma, Marcia and I went next door to the house of a little girl that Marcia knew.  While playing outside, the little girl brought out armful after armful of Barbie’s and accessories.  This little girl had so many Barbie’s, clothes, shoes and purses, I was amazed.  Everything Barbie just kept coming out of her house into our waiting hands.

I can remember the feeling that I had that day and it wasn’t good.  I wanted this little girls Barbie stuff and in my heart, I burned with desire for these colorful little plastic things.  I had my own Barbie’s at home but nothing like this collection of amazing stuff.  

“I could slip a few pair of shoes or a purse into my pocket, she would never miss them,”  I thought.  That wasn’t a good feeling it was a feeling of greed and want.  It was actually painful, like what I had was not good enough and maybe this plastic pair of pumps might make me feel better, or would it?  

At  times my life has been a real struggle, especially the last year.  Money has gotten tighter and tighter, and sometimes I feel that same burning desire that I felt that day when I was a kid.  Looking around at what others had made me feel like, “If I just had…!”  

Then one day my son said something so simple but it changed my outlook, and made me count my blessings, instead of compare.  I had just apologized to my 19 year old son, Elijah for not having much, and what he said shocked me into reality.  He said, “Mom, we have so much, food, clothes, a place to live, a lot of people don’t have as much as us, and God has never let us go hungry.”

I thought about it and he was right.  My focus had been on what we didn’t have instead of how much we do have.  Jesus even said, “The worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desire for other things, come in and choke the word making it unfruitful.”  

And in Galatians 5:16, it says, “So I say live by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.  But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law.

So now what I understand is that I had been led by my sinful nature.  It was that nature that wanted those Barbie shoes, and what I need to do is; let the Holy Spirit lead me and then I will be fruitful and I will have joy and peace and it won’t matter what I own on the outside, happiness will come from within me.  That is lasting happiness as compared to the small amount of happiness I might have had by slipping that red pair of heals into my pocket.

One Really Rotten Year

written  in 2014 about 2013

I can not think of any single year in my life, as bad as this last year.  All of the problems started when my family moved into a small apartment, from an apartment that was much bigger.  We lived in the bigger apartment for over ten years.  We very rarely had a problem with that apartment, but my mother-in-law moved out so we couldn’t afford the bigger apartment any more.  

The first month that we lived in our new apartment, two pipes broke.  One in Elijah’s room under a bunch of boxes, so a lot of the stuff in the boxes got ruined.  The second pipe was in My husband, Mark and my bedroom, in the wall.  The complex was quick to come out and fix the pipes and I did appreciate that.  Not more than a week later, another broken pipe in the wall just above the last broken pipe.  Again, that pipe was fixed quickly.

We continued to have small problem after small problem.  Then about 4 months after moving in, I got into an accident just around the corner from our new place.  The car looked terrible, but it still ran, at least for a few more weeks.  Wouldn’t you know it, the transmission went out, and we ended up selling it for one hundred dollars.  

Then many more problems came up from not having a car.  We had to walk to get our groceries and any sundry items.  We were able to take the bus to some of our Doctors appointments that were close enough.  The appointments that weren’t close enough, we ended up canceling.  I had to get off of pain medication, antidepressants and anti anxiety medication because I couldn’t make it to the appointments.

It was hard enough going through withdrawals,  but living without these medications was so unbelievably hard. I was depressed, anxious and I was in so much pain.  This went on for nine months. During these nine months, I spent much of my time in bed and Mark and the boys took over most of the jobs around the apartment.  I laid in bed and I felt useless.

We found a wonderful Church with in walking distance, but the morning that we decided to go, while getting ready another pipe broke, this time in the floor of our bedroom, so we couldn’t make it to church that particular Sunday.  We did go a couple of times, and we really enjoyed the service.  But we stopped going because it was just so much trouble.  I haven’t given up,  I would still like to get involved in a church. 

Mark was in and out of the hospital many times during this year.  Every time he went in, he came out looking a bit worse.  It would take a while to get him back in the shape he was in before the hospital and as soon as Mark was looking healthy, he would get sick again.  

Now, there were so many bad things that went on this last year but the good things are that I had many long talks with my boys and a lot of good time with my husband.  Though we are broke and struggling, some  might feel like giving up, as I have in the past.  It’s strange but in my spirit, I feel joy, peace and a strength like I have never had before.  Though from the outside it may look like Jesus has deserted us, but in my heart, I know that He has been here this whole year carrying myself and my family, each step of the way.  Hebrews 12:2 and 3,  “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”      

Freedom

Freedom rides on
Deep in this worldly trap
It pains my mind, my soul
Take a look in the mirror
Day by day I grow old

Caged by emptiness
While others lives are well spent
Watching the time go by
Is this the way life is meant to be?

And freedom rides on like a rushing wind
And freedom rides on, rides on

All of life's pleasures
They slip right by
Don't want to reach out to help
To weak these days to even try

And even the smallest things
That once brought happiness
To me, feel hollow
And the thing I now hold in my hands
Is sorrow

And freedom rides on like a rushing wind
And freedom rides on, rides on
No one to hold this hand
No one who understands
Just like a rushing wind
And freedom rides on









And the smallest things

Jump

By my talented daughter, Liz Bien

Sometimes God says, “Jump”  And although you want to say, “No way.” The best thing to do is respond with, “Yes father, how high?”  This can be the most difficult way to go, but if you make that jump with complete faith, and get through the trials, you will find an amazing reward at the end of each journey.
     
My husband and I were living in a horrible neighborhood in Southern California a few years back.  We were both struggling with some major addictions and getting into more trouble than one person can handle on their own.  Our priorities were completely mixed up, and we were heading no where fast.  We were trying to justify our sins, making excuses for our lack of change, all the while digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole
     
My in-laws had moved to Oregon a couple years prior, and trying to convince us to make the leap to a new state, in many ways a whole new world as well. I felt deep in my heart that it was something that God wanted for us but I made myself believe that God wouldn’t ask so much of us.  For a long time I came up with reasons why this was a bad idea.  My husband had a great job,  I was close to getting hired at a good company, myself.  We had lots of friends and I was really close to my mom.  I could name reason after reason why we should not move.  But I was reluctant to accept the reality that this was a command from God.  I was scared.
     
Well, almost all at once, all our reasons for staying, fell apart.  My husbands company began to fail. I was turned down by the company that was so close to hiring me.  Our friends turned their backs on us,  and my Mom and I stopped talking over a ridiculous argument.  It got to the point where we were completely out of excuses.  Finally we accepted God’s command and said, “Alright God, how high are we jumping?”
     
In less than three days our apartment was completely cleaned out.  We packed up the absolute necessities only.  We sold what we could for gas money and we either gave away or threw away the rest.  We were all ready to leave when our trials really started!
     
Satan was definitely trying his best to hold us back.  He knew that what God had in store for us was going to be awesome, and Satan did not want that for us.  The day we were set to leave, my car, that I had just made a payment on was repossessed.  We shrugged it off and used some of our gas money to rent a mini van.  Once we were on the road, my two year old son got a sudden fit of car sickness.  Once we got cleaned up and he was feeling better, we got lost in northern California.  Almost an entire day later, we were back on track, when our front drivers side tire blew out.  It was such a powerful explosion that it broke the entire drivers side rear view mirror clean off!  As my husband and I were on the side of the road, digging through our belongings for the spare tire, I had a complete emotional melt down.  I buried my head in my arms and sobbed like never before.  I felt lost, I wanted to turn back, but to where?  We left everything, we had nothing.  I should have been praying to God for strength, but instead I was cursing my life.  I felt like we had made a huge mistake, and I hated myself for doing it.  I asked my husband, “What were we thinking?”  When suddenly a big white truck pulled up behind us. 
     
A woman with a big golden retriever and an even bigger smile got out and started toward us.  After making sure we were okay and didn’t need her help, she handed me a little card and quietly told me, “God bless your family.”
     
I settled back into the passenger seat of the beat up mini van and read the orange card out loud. At the very top it read, “Encouragement.”  And below that, “For the eyes of the Lord range through out the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9.
     
For the first time since leaving our small sad apartment filled with discouraging and depressing memories, we both smiled, and we continued on our way!  What felt like no longer than an hour later, we pulled up the long rocky driveway, right up to where God had wanted us to be.
     
Although I knew that this was only the beginning of our new lives, and we had plenty of work ahead; I still felt the first bit of hope, the first bit of peace, and a great deal of confidence in what was to come!
     
It’s never easy to let go of what we think is right in life, and follow God to our leaps in life.  Once we are able to put our full faith in the Lord, and do what He wants of us we find that the things He has in store for us is a thousand times better than anything we could achieve on our own!
     
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”  James1: 2-3.
   

The Men From Galilee

lyricoc@yahoo.com

On the day they were all together
Suddenly from heaven came a wind
It filled the house that they were in

And they saw tongues of fire
Come to rest on everyone
The mystery HAD BEGUN

God was praised in every language
From men who lived in galilee
Drunk with wine they couldn’t be

And they were filled with the holy spirit
And they began to speak as they were led 
And the crowd was in amazement
Because of what the holy spirit said

Those who believed in his message
Through the water and the blood
Three thousand added on that day
I can almost hear them pray

And they were filled with the holy spirit
And they began to speak as they were led
And the crowd was in amazement
Because of what the holy spirit said