Pure Joy

Pure Joy

Things are hard for everyone, these days.  I know, I’ve seen it on the news.  Poverty, earthquakes, hurricanes, wow.  When I look at all of that I think, “I’m so lucky.”  But what I’m really thinking is, “Why are things so bad for me?”  
     
This all started on a Friday, my son, Elijah was really sick, fever, cough, sore throat, the works, and my son Michael was just getting over a cold.  I go to an ATM to pull some money off my card and it doesn’t work, I try many more times but no deal.  I get in the car and go to the grocery store, to use the ATM, before I go in, I pray, thank God, it worked and I get my money.  But on the way home, my engine light comes on.
     
Saturday morning, I get the rest of the money that I needed from the ATM at the grocery store, great, but Saturday night we all feel sick, Elijah’s got a cold, Michael is just getting over a cold, my husband Mark just wasn’t feeling well and my fibromylgia was acting up.                        
Early Sunday morning about 3:00 am, I wake up, Mark is awake and feeling very sick.  I’m in pain and Elijah is coughing.  Mark’s blood pressure is 212 over 109, that’s very high!  He asks for a bucket and he starts throwing up, then he throws up again, and again, and again.  I fell to my knees, crying, I feel like I’m in the storm, everything is going wrong!  I pray, “Jesus, help us! ”I turned off the TV.  I sat by Mark, who is still holding the bucket in one hand and his bottle of Nitro pills in the other hand.  I keep praying, I feel peace come over me.  I put my hand on Mark and I continue, Now Mark starts praying, and he lifts his hands.  Peace comes over our apartment, I feel it, It’s quiet, no more coughing.  Mark takes his blood pressure again, it’s 150 over 90, much better, I thank God.  I feel like things are going to be okay, we go back to sleep.  
     
Monday morning I wake up in great pain, my head is pounding, my hands hurt.  Michael and I go to get the car fixed, I have to, Mark has dialysis tomorrow.  We had to go to a place we haven’t been to before because it a holiday and the place we usually go to is closed.  The man talks me into much more than I counted on, but I feel like at least it will be done, but now we are $200.00 short in our rent.  I get home and go straight to bed.  
     
Tuesday morning, we are all feeling somewhat better.  I get in the car with Mark, heading to dialysis and the engine light comes on, and the air conditioner isn’t working, I start crying.  This feels like a huge  wind storm, but what comes to mind is, “Consider it pure joy.”  When I get home from taking Mark to dialysis, I look the scripture up in my Bible, I find, James 1:6, “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” That is what we have been going through, a huge storm, blown and tossed about.
     
I have been working on a story about palm trees.  When the palms have dry weather, they stretch out their roots to find water, which is a good thing because when a down fall comes, those palms who’s roots are deeply grounded, will stand.  Bend but not break, lean but not fall.  I wanted to believe I was that palm, but am I?  Well I’m still here! I may be going through a storm, but I do have roots that are grounded in the word of God.  I may bend but I will not fall, I will not break.
     
James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops  perseverance, perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  Yes, pure joy is what I’m going to have today, Tuesday.

Father's Day

For my dad

He was worn from years of work
He pointed to the lawn mower motor
His hands were rough and strong
“This is a spark plug, this is a rotor

Standing tall and slim
And with my full attention
He said, “It works the same
As a basic car engine”

Dad, older and wiser
Knows how to teach
Someone like me
A little hard to reach

He gave me his knowledge
Hard earned through the years
I smiled as I remembered
And blinked back the tears

It’s been three years since he’s passed
Into heaven to wait
I’ll see him again
Someday at the gate

Today on Fathers Day
I say a little prayer
I Think of him and smile
One day I will be there

It Could Be Me

I see a woman day by day
At the bus bench where she lay
Where’s her family, where’s her kin?
No one helps, or lets her in

Clothes look dirty, old and worn
Her rough face, dour, forlorn
Dark, sun weathered, leather skin
I long to help, where to begin

Ignored by people passing by
All I want to do is cry
She carries all she owns in tow
Neighbors want to see her go

Desolation in her eyes
Disgust from others passing by
Distrust in her grave, helpless voice
Is living on the street her choice?

What can I do to help this girl
All alone in this harsh world
I pray for God to heal her heart
And that is how it all should start

This homeless child of God, could be me
That’s what everyone should see
In this big world, when feeling blue
Remember this, it could be you!

Tantrum

lyricoc@yahoo.com

As I took a moment to take a breath and look around my room, I saw scattered books and toys, dolls, socks and shoes.  Pile on top of pile on top of colorful pile of shirts, pants and dresses and me, on the tip top of all of the piles, screaming!

What was I screaming about?  Who knows, I used to throw a temper tantrum at the drop of a hat.  If I was getting ready for school, or bed or just about anything, and things weren’t to my liking, I would scream, throw things ,pull my clothes out of my closet and sit right in the middle of it all until I got my way, or gave up, and it was almost always the latter.

I wasn’t a spoiled kid, but I did suffer from anxiety and depression. At the time no one understood what was wrong with me, we just knew that I wasn‘t like all of the other kids, so I went untreated, for many more years.

My poor parents had to deal with me and I’m glad that they were the incredible people that they were, and that knew Jesus, or I don’t know where I would be today. 

Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”   Some believe that this scripture gives license to spank or hurt their kids, but I don‘t believe that is what that scripture is saying!  What it does say is to discipline your children with a rod and if you look up rod in the dictionary, one meaning is a kind of a staff, used to steer the herds, not to beat them.

My parents guided me firmly, but lovingly, like a Sheppard guides his sheep.  In the Bible the rod became known as a sign of authority, Moses carried a rod when he returned to Egypt.   Sheppard’s would lead the way and count their valuable sheep with a rod.  It was even illegal to kill a servant with a rod.

I finally did get the help that I needed for my depression and anxiety, but not until I was an adult.  I don’t throw temper tantrums anymore either.  I do try to steer my kids with my imaginary rod and with help from God’s word and the Holy Spirit.

As David said in Psalm 23: “I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and staff they comport me.”  Let your rod guide and comfort your child.

Strength

This poem is for my daughter, my mother and myself

Young wife and mother in pain
Father's out having fun again
Heart's in love, but hands are full
Little ones have taken their toll
How does she find the strength

Middle aged and husband's sick
Feels like life has pulled some trick
Exhausted, not much left to give
Wonders why she even lives
Where does she find the strength

Old woman in her easy chair
Talks out loud though no one's there
marking off each passing day
Longs to join her mate some way
Lord help her find the strength

A daughter, a mother, a wife
All they crave is a good life
All are feeling truly lost
But for them, He paid the cost

Put it in His hands, young mother
Put it in His hands, your cares He'll take
Put it in His hands, old woman
Put it in His hands, for your life's sake
Put it in His hands, women
Put it in His hands

Mom's German Burrito

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I held it in my hand, examining it.  I turned it over once, not enough to look suspicious.  It smelled a bit different. “Okay,” I said to myself, it’s just like mom’s.”

I was in grade school.  Most kids would have eaten dinner away from home many times by this age, but I didn’t have that pleasure.  I was old enough to spend the night at my friend, Carol’s house, but not old enough to know a true burrito, how sad.

I took a bite, “no, this was not going to show on my face!”  I told myself.  But the memory of getting a mouth full of, I wasn’t sure what it was, but it is permanently embedded in my brain.  I couldn’t spit the mouthful of burrito out, Carol’s parents and brother were right there, looking at me.  

I chewed, I chewed, I swallowed, I liked!  Not the kind of burrito, that I was used to, but it was interesting!

After spending the night, I ran home the next morning to confront my mom.  When I told her what we had eaten, she looked as surprised as I looked at Carol’s the night before.  I still giggle when I hear the memory of my mom’s voice in my head, saying in her German accent, “It’s not made from pork and beans and Velveta cheese?”  Wow, she was so close, but so far away! 

My mom used flour tortillas, Carol’s mom used flour tortillas.  My mom used beans and cheese, just like Carol’s mom did, but inside my mom’s burrito was velveta cheese and pork and beans, those small changes made all the difference.


What makes a man unclean?  Mark 7:21, says that what makes a man unclean is what is in his heart, and those things are, “Evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly”  All of these evils come from inside and make a man unclean.

Matthew 7:15 and 16 says, “Watch out for false prophets.  They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Being unclean comes from the inside, it’s from the heart.  And if you let the Holy Spirit live within you, ultimately what will come about will be good fruit.

Galatians 5:22 tells us what those good fruit are so that we can recognize those fruit in others and in ourselves.  “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control, against such things there is no law.”

So whether it be beans and cheese wrapped up nicely in a tortilla or your neighbor.  Maybe your best friend or yourself, look for the good fruit in everyone.  If you don’t see good fruit, pray for the love of the Lord, pray that this person excepts the Holy Spirit in their soul, and pray for salvation.  

Rapture

Rapture

The dictionary definition of rapture is: the state of being carried away with joy, love etc.. ecstasy.
The dictionary definition of tribulation is: Great misery or distress as from oppression.

I want you to know that what I’m writing is just my opinion from reading and studying that I’ve done.  I’m open to hearing other opinions.  
     
This is what I believe;  2 peter 2:5 says, “If He did not spare the ancient world when He brought the flood on it, ungodly people, but protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness and seven others; if He condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by burning them to ashes and made them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly;  and if He rescued Lot a righteous man, who was distressed by the filthy lives of lawless men (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by lawless deeds he saw and heard)”  Peter went on to say, “IF this is so then the Lord knows how to rescue Godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment while continuing their punishment.”
     
Out of that scripture I got that God protected or, in other words, guarded, Noah; that is He took care of Noah  and his family while they went through the flood.  
     
On the other hand, He rescued Lot or delivered Lot (To set free or save from evil) out of the city before he burned them down.
     
Peter goes on to say, “God will rescue us from the coming wrath.”  Not protect us through it, but rescue us from it.  Wrath also means punishment.  
     
Paul also confirms this in 1 Thessalonians 1:10, “And to wait for His son from Heaven, whom He raised from the dead- Jesus who rescues us from the coming wrath.”  Again, Jesus will rescue us, not protect us through the wrath.  
     
Now 2 peter also talks about trials and in Revelations 3: 10, Jesus says, “Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth.”
     
We are to be taken out, or rescued from the wrath, or trial that will be coming, which is the tribulation.  
     

Elijah And The Toothbrush

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My husband, Mark and I wanted our little boy, Elijah, to start brushing his teeth.  He didn’t like the idea.  He didn’t want to do it himself and he wouldn’t let me do it for him.  So his teeth were going un-brushed.  

Elijah’s Doctor said that he was getting some build up and that he needed to start brushing.  Mark and I decided to hold on to Elijah and brush them for him, big mistake.  After that there was no possible way he was going to brush his teeth by himself.  He ended up hating something that only would be good for him.  After a week of hearing Elijah scream every time we would show him a toothbrush, we gave up for a while.
     
Then, we tried something new.  Elijah loves juice.  First thing every morning, he wants his juice.  This particular morning, we said, “Sorry baby, no juice until you take the toothbrush and touch it to your teeth.”  

He took the toothbrush, and he threw the toothbrush.  I gave it to him again, and he threw it again.  I gave it back to him, and he took it and hid it.  He was so stubborn, he went most of the day, drinking only water.  He would ask for juice and I would say, “Yes, you can have juice, as soon as you touch the toothbrush to your teeth.”  And the last thing he did was, he cried for his juice.
     
Then it happened, having that juice meant more to Elijah than having his own way.  He found his toothbrush where he hid it earlier, in the living room.  He brought it to me, and he said, “Brush teeth?”  Then he did it, he touched that toothbrush to his teeth.  
I clapped and hugged him.  Then I gave Elijah the juice, that I had ready and waiting for him.  All he had to do was get what he wanted in line with what I wanted for him.  

The next morning he fought brushing his teeth again, but he did end up brushing his teeth, and getting his juice.  Every day it got a little easier, until one morning I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth, and he came in and asked if he could brush his teeth too.
     
This taught me something about prayer.  I used to think that I needed to talk God into things with my prayers.  I realized that I was wrong.  1 Samuel, is the story about Hanna.  She wanted a child.  The longer she prayed and didn’t get one, the more desperate she got for a child.  She finally got down and cried before God.  She said, “God if you just give me a son, I will give him to you.”  

That was it, that was what God wanted all along.  He was ready and waiting to give her that baby.  He just wanted Hanna to do one thing, promise that baby to Him.  She didn’t persuade God to do anything, God gently persuaded her to give Him something that they both wanted.  When her heart was ready, He gave her what He had planned for her from the beginning of time.  
     
I love Elijah.  I want the best for him, but forcing him to do what would be good for him, only made him hate it.  Bringing him to a place where he would change his feelings about something he didn’t want, so that he could have something he did want, worked.  Now on his own, Elijah brushes his teeth.
     
God sets it up so that we get to a place that we desire what He already wants for us.  Then we cry out to God, “Please give us what we desire.”  

And when our desires and our hearts are in line with his will and His desire for us, He says, “Yes.”
     
Psalm 145:19, “He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him, He also hears their cry and saves them.”

Easter

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I’ve always loved spending time coloring eggs during Easter with my family.  When I was ten years old, I went on a camping trip with Erin, a friend from Girl scouts, and her family.  We went to the Colorado River.  We were only going to stay a few days, but Erin’s parents decided that they wanted to stay until the day before Easter.  I was so homesick those last couple of days, each night I w2ould cry in my sleeping bag. To get through those last couple of days, I told myself that at least I would be home for Easter.
     
Well, we pulled up to my house just as my parents were leaving for Church on the Saturday night, before Easter Sunday.  I can still remember my Mom leaning down and saying, “We waited as long as we could, but we had to color the eggs without you.”  I was crushed; I cried and cried.  To me coloring those eggs was a special time our family spent together, and I missed out.
     
A few years ago I found some interesting information on Easter eggs.  This information said that, only within the last century were chocolate and candy eggs exchanged as Easter gifts.  Spring time exchanging of real eggs, is an ancient custom predating Easter by many centuries.  Most cultures believed that the egg signified birth, and resurrection (ex. The Greeks would place eggs on top of graves).  One Roman proverb read, “All life comes from an egg.”
     
I’m not ten years old anymore, and I have a bunch of kids of my own.  My family and I still get together and color eggs, and it’s a fun time for all of us.  But more than anything is the joy we feel knowing, that because Jesus died and was resurrected, we have re-birth, and joy in knowing because He lives, we have hope. 


In Luke 24:46, After rising from the grave, Jesus told the disciples, “The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations beginning at Jerusalem.”

The Blood

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In May of 1995, my husband, Mark went to see a doctor because he had swollen legs and headaches.  The doctor told him that his blood pressure was very high and after testing his blood, we were told that he had hepatitis C.  I was pregnant at the time, so my doctor told me to come in and have a blood test also.  All these blood tests got me thinking about how important the blood is, and about how there are so many scriptures that talk about the blood.  

There are approximately 363 verses that talk about blood in the bible: Blood of the lamb, take this blood, your brothers blood cries out to me, do not eat the fat or the blood.  Deuteronomy 12:23 and Leviticus 17:11 tells us that the life of a creature is in the blood.  Acts 3:25 tells us to have faith in His blood, and Acts 5:9 says that we are justified by the blood.
     
Blood is mans transport system of the body.  A blood test can be used to check on the health of the major organs as well as on the respiratory function, hormonal balance, the immune system and the metabolism.  Analysis of a sample of blood gives us information on its cells and proteins and if there are any chemicals or antibodies in your body.
     
DNA are the genetic instructions used in the development and function of all known living organism.  DNA is like a set of blue prints, a recipe or a code.  DNA is the principal carrier of genetic information in almost all organisms.
     
Chromosomes are an organized structure of DNA.  it’s a simple piece of DNA.  Chromosomes carry the inherited genetic information that directs the activities of cells and thus the growth of functioning of the entire body.  Chromosomes determine physical characteristics such as sex, hair color and texture.  Skin And eye color, nose shape, height and mental abilities.  Also the personality.
     
Immune serum globulin is a sterile solution of globulins derived from pooled human blood that contains antibodies that are normally present in the blood of adults.  Immune serum globulin is used to prevent and sometimes treat infections diseases,  it works by passing on antibodies to them.
     
Blood plasma is mainly water, 95%, with salt content very similar to sea water.  Also sugar, fats, vitamins and minerals.
     
Blood holds the keys to many mysteries in the body and in the bible.  We are learning new things every day.
     
Could communion just be symbolic?  The blood is important and real, and when you take the blood of Jesus into your body, remember this, Jesus was the only perfect man, that means his blood was and is perfect.  We are to take his blood in remembrance , but it is more than that.  Spiritually this is his blood and spiritually it is filled with everything that is Jesus.  All of his antibodies and every perfect thing.  
     
So when you take communion, take it to remember Jesus, and what he has done.  But also take it as you would take a vaccination, to keep you from getting sick or a shot to heal sickness that you may have.  Then thank Jesus for his perfect body and that he has shed His perfect healing blood for us. 

A Record Of Wrongs

lyricoc@yahoo.com  I would so appreciate a word or two!!  Thank you in advance!   Connie


I am still learning to listen for Gods voice.  I am also learning to be obedient to God.  One thing that I have learned is, what might seem like foolishness to some, is not foolishness if God tells you to do it.     

My husband Mark, and I were arguing. I was growing tired of the argument so I prayed, “God, tell me how to end this argument.”

I got a strong feeling to just let it go.  So I went to Mark and said I was sorry.  He accepted my apology, but I just felt that things weren’t right.  We were still being cold to each other.  I didn’t know what to do, so again, I prayed for Gods help.  I got an answer that I wasn’t expecting, and I just didn’t see how it would change anything.     

I had been keeping a diary.  Actually it was more like a record of wrongs.  I told myself that I needed it to show Mark all the things that I felt he was doing wrong.  Then God spoke to me, “ Get rid of the diary.”

But stubborn me, I couldn’t see how that would change anything.  But the next morning, I tore up the diary, and threw it in the trash.

In Exodus the Israelites were arguing with Moses.  They accused Moses of leading them into the desert to die of thirst.  Moses called out to God.  God told Moses to take his staff and hit a large rock with it.  

In Exodus 17:6 God said, “I will stand there before you by the Rock of Horeb.  Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink.”

Moses struck the rock and water flowed out.     

After disposing of the record of wrongs, it was barely a half an hour later when Mark came to me and asked sweetly, “Can we start over.”

Wow!  We forgave each other and decided to recommit and build a stronger relationship.  
Tearing up some papers didn’t seem like an answer to me. I’m sure that before Moses hit that rock, he wasn’t sure what to expect either.  I thought that I had to be in control. I had to show Mark, a thing or two. Being obedient to God was more important than being right.  And to my surprise, God worked fast and perfectly.  

  


      

Slumber Parties

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How many slumber parties does a young lady in junior high go to?  In those days, when mental and physical growth were so important, I went to as many parties as I had friends that were 13 and 14 years old.

Each party was a little different, as each girl was different.  At my party, my older sister, Carol, told us ghost stories by candle light in my darkened room.  At just the right moment, my little brother, Bob, jumped out of the closet with a sheet over his head.  He waved his arms and everyone in the room let out a scream of delight. 

I remember the presents the most, at my friend, Carol’s party.  Each present, though wrapped different was the exact same size.  Music albums were all the rage, and Carol got an album from each young lady at her party.  The Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch, (yes, they did sing) Nancy Sinatra, The Monkees, those were just some of the albums she got, I hope she kept the receipts.

At Jojan’s party, we danced in our pajamas.  And at Angie’s party, we had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, delicious!

The party that I loved the most was Maria’s party.  No one slept that night.  We all sat up and talked and giggled and loved each others company.

Earlier in the evening at Maria’s party, we had a scavenger hunt.  I don’t think that game could be played these days because things have gotten out of control.  Back in the 70’s, things were more gentle, more mellow, more safe.  

It was so much fun going from door to door in our neighborhood.  One girl would ring the door bell, we would stand there trying not to giggle.  When the home owner would say, “Hello”  the bravest girl would hand him the list and ask if we could have anything that was on the list, that they might have.

Whether it be a roll of toilet paper, or a toothpick, a battery, or a stamp, we were thrilled if we got anything.  Then with our loot from the list in hand, we ran back to Maria’s house to see if we were the winners.

Not only did our group have to be first in this race, the girls that I ran around with also had to have every single thing on our list for the judges.  The winners all won a prize, what fun we had.

The race we as Christians are running today, isn’t a game, but there will be a prize at the end.  2 Timothy 4:7 and 8, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day-and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.”

I think about Cheryl, Julie and the other girls I grew up with.  When they come to mind, I like to say a prayer for them.  I hope that when the race they are running comes to a finish, they will be together forever with Jesus Christ.     

Tantrum

lyricoc@yahoo.com

As I took a moment, to take a breath and look around my room, I saw scattered books and toys, dolls, socks and shoes.  Pile on top of pile on top of colorful pile of shirts, pants and dresses and me, on the tip top of all of the piles, screaming!

What was I screaming about?  Who knows, I used to throw a temper tantrum at the drop of a hat.  If I was getting ready for school, or bed or just about anything, and things weren’t to my liking, I would scream, throw things ,pull my clothes out of my closet and sit right in the middle of it all until I got my way, or gave up, and it was almost always the latter.

I wasn’t a spoiled kid, but I did suffer from anxiety and depression. At the time no one understood what was wrong with me, we just knew that I wasn‘t like all of the other kids, so I went untreated, for many more years.

My poor parents had to deal with me and I’m glad that they were the incredible people that they were, and that knew Jesus, or I don’t know where I would be today. 

Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”   Some believe that this scripture gives license to spank or hurt their kids, but I don't believe that is what that scripture is saying!  What it does say is to discipline your children with a rod and if you look up rod in the dictionary, one meaning is a kind of a staff, used to steer the herds, not to beat them.

My parents guided me firmly, but lovingly, like a Sheppard guides his sheep.  In the Bible the rod became known as a sign of authority, Moses carried a rod when he returned to Egypt.   Sheppard’s would lead the way and count their valuable sheep with a rod.  It was even illegal to kill a servant with a rod.

I finally did get the help that I needed for my depression and anxiety, but not until I was an adult.  I don’t throw temper tantrums anymore either.  I do try to steer my kids with my imaginary rod and with help from God’s word and the Holy Spirit.

As David said in Psalm 23: “I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and staff they comport me.”  Let your rod guide and comfort your child.

A Small Pie

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I mashed the dough between my small fingers, and my mom reminded me, “Connie, don’t play with that dough to much, it will make the crust tough.”  So I shaped the dough into a ball, kind of, and I put it on a floured surface.  Mom helped me to hold the old heavy wooden rolling pin and make the ball into a smooth flat circle.  We somehow got the flat circle into a little ceramic dish.  
     
Mom cut the pealed apples into thin sections.  I picked each piece of apple gently up and delicately placed each piece into the dough covered dish.  Mom sprinkled some sugar and cinnamon on top of my creation, then she placed the mini apple pie into the hot oven along side the two full sized pies that she put in before mine.
     
I wanted to plop down in front of the oven to watch my pie cook, but Mom told me to go out side while she cleaned up.  “I’ll call you when it is done.”  Mom said.  
     
I ran out into our patio to play with my dolls, but who could play at a time like this.  I never baked an apple pie before, I’ve never baked anything!  But today I just thought I would ask, “Mom can I help?”  I asked and to my surprise, she brought out a stool for me to stand on and she handed me a bit of dough to actually make my own little apple pie.  
     
I will never forget this, I thought to myself as I dressed my doll in a casual outfit that she could bake a pie in.  Then I re-enacted the baking scene with my mother doll and my half sized five year old doll.
     
“It’s done!”  Mom called after what seemed like hours.  “Here it is,” She stood holding my pie, dark hair, dark eyes, a beauty, and she was smiling at me.  I touched the pie, it was just a little bit warm.  “It’s been cooling,”  Mom said, then added, “It’s almost time to eat dinner.”
     
I made it through the baking time, now I just have to make it through dinner.  I could hardly stand it, I felt so excited.
     
Dinner seemed to drag on.  When it was done, we cleared the dishes before dessert.  I thought to myself that it was almost time!  I remember feeling such happiness, I could have been shining!
     
I walked over, picked up my little pie, The thing that I was so proud of, the thing that took up so much of thoughts, today.
     
The little pie, it smelled so sweet, I cradled it in my small hands as I walked to the table and placed it in front of my mom and dad.  “I made this for you,”  I exclaimed.  They looked surprised, then delighted! And me, I felt warm and satisfied.  The feeling of giving, there is nothing like it.  That is what I learned that day.

Jesus himself said in Acts 20:35, “It is more blessed to give than to receive”

Barbie Toys

lyricoc@yahoo.com

Every year, I looked forward to summer.  The weather was warm, school was out, and my Mom, Dad, little brother and I took a trip each August to our family in Iowa.  

Marcia, my cousin, was my age.  We got along during our visits just like we had been together all year, instead of just two weeks.  We played with her new kittens, we dressed up and played our tennis racket guitars and we sat in her cherry tree eating cherries.

One of the days, my parents and Marcia’s parents, Marcia and I went to see my grandmother.  While the parents were in, visiting with grandma, Marcia and I went next door to the house of a little girl that Marcia knew.  While playing outside, the little girl brought out armful after armful of Barbie’s and accessories.  This little girl had so many Barbie’s, clothes, shoes and purses, I was amazed.  Everything Barbie just kept coming out of her house into our waiting hands.

I can remember the feeling that I had that day and it wasn’t good.  I wanted this little girls Barbie stuff and in my heart, I burned with desire for these colorful little plastic things.  I had my own Barbie’s at home but nothing like this collection of amazing stuff.  

“I could slip a few pair of shoes or a purse into my pocket, she would never miss them,”  I thought.  That wasn’t a good feeling it was a feeling of greed and want.  It was actually painful, like what I had was not good enough and maybe this plastic pair of pumps might make me feel better, or would it?  

At  times my life has been a real struggle, especially the last year.  Money has gotten tighter and tighter, and sometimes I feel that same burning desire that I felt that day when I was a kid.  Looking around at what others had made me feel like, “If I just had…!”  

Then one day my son said something so simple but it changed my outlook, and made me count my blessings, instead of compare.  I had just apologized to my 19 year old son, Elijah for not having much, and what he said shocked me into reality.  He said, “Mom, we have so much, food, clothes, a place to live, a lot of people don’t have as much as us, and God has never let us go hungry.”

I thought about it and he was right.  My focus had been on what we didn’t have instead of how much we do have.  Jesus even said, “The worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desire for other things, come in and choke the word making it unfruitful.”  

And in Galatians 5:16, it says, “So I say live by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.  But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law.

So now what I understand is that I had been led by my sinful nature.  It was that nature that wanted those Barbie shoes, and what I need to do is; let the Holy Spirit lead me and then I will be fruitful and I will have joy and peace and it won’t matter what I own on the outside, happiness will come from within me.  That is lasting happiness as compared to the small amount of happiness I might have had by slipping that red pair of heals into my pocket.

One Really Rotten Year

written  in 2014 about 2013

I can not think of any single year in my life, as bad as this last year.  All of the problems started when my family moved into a small apartment, from an apartment that was much bigger.  We lived in the bigger apartment for over ten years.  We very rarely had a problem with that apartment, but my mother-in-law moved out so we couldn’t afford the bigger apartment any more.  

The first month that we lived in our new apartment, two pipes broke.  One in Elijah’s room under a bunch of boxes, so a lot of the stuff in the boxes got ruined.  The second pipe was in My husband, Mark and my bedroom, in the wall.  The complex was quick to come out and fix the pipes and I did appreciate that.  Not more than a week later, another broken pipe in the wall just above the last broken pipe.  Again, that pipe was fixed quickly.

We continued to have small problem after small problem.  Then about 4 months after moving in, I got into an accident just around the corner from our new place.  The car looked terrible, but it still ran, at least for a few more weeks.  Wouldn’t you know it, the transmission went out, and we ended up selling it for one hundred dollars.  

Then many more problems came up from not having a car.  We had to walk to get our groceries and any sundry items.  We were able to take the bus to some of our Doctors appointments that were close enough.  The appointments that weren’t close enough, we ended up canceling.  I had to get off of pain medication, antidepressants and anti anxiety medication because I couldn’t make it to the appointments.

It was hard enough going through withdrawals,  but living without these medications was so unbelievably hard. I was depressed, anxious and I was in so much pain.  This went on for nine months. During these nine months, I spent much of my time in bed and Mark and the boys took over most of the jobs around the apartment.  I laid in bed and I felt useless.

We found a wonderful Church with in walking distance, but the morning that we decided to go, while getting ready another pipe broke, this time in the floor of our bedroom, so we couldn’t make it to church that particular Sunday.  We did go a couple of times, and we really enjoyed the service.  But we stopped going because it was just so much trouble.  I haven’t given up,  I would still like to get involved in a church. 

Mark was in and out of the hospital many times during this year.  Every time he went in, he came out looking a bit worse.  It would take a while to get him back in the shape he was in before the hospital and as soon as Mark was looking healthy, he would get sick again.  

Now, there were so many bad things that went on this last year but the good things are that I had many long talks with my boys and a lot of good time with my husband.  Though we are broke and struggling, some  might feel like giving up, as I have in the past.  It’s strange but in my spirit, I feel joy, peace and a strength like I have never had before.  Though from the outside it may look like Jesus has deserted us, but in my heart, I know that He has been here this whole year carrying myself and my family, each step of the way.  Hebrews 12:2 and 3,  “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”      

Freedom

Freedom rides on
Deep in this worldly trap
It pains my mind, my soul
Take a look in the mirror
Day by day I grow old

Caged by emptiness
While others lives are well spent
Watching the time go by
Is this the way life is meant to be?

And freedom rides on like a rushing wind
And freedom rides on, rides on

All of life's pleasures
They slip right by
Don't want to reach out to help
To weak these days to even try

And even the smallest things
That once brought happiness
To me, feel hollow
And the thing I now hold in my hands
Is sorrow

And freedom rides on like a rushing wind
And freedom rides on, rides on
No one to hold this hand
No one who understands
Just like a rushing wind
And freedom rides on









And the smallest things

Jump

By my talented daughter, Liz Bien

Sometimes God says, “Jump”  And although you want to say, “No way.” The best thing to do is respond with, “Yes father, how high?”  This can be the most difficult way to go, but if you make that jump with complete faith, and get through the trials, you will find an amazing reward at the end of each journey.
     
My husband and I were living in a horrible neighborhood in Southern California a few years back.  We were both struggling with some major addictions and getting into more trouble than one person can handle on their own.  Our priorities were completely mixed up, and we were heading no where fast.  We were trying to justify our sins, making excuses for our lack of change, all the while digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole
     
My in-laws had moved to Oregon a couple years prior, and trying to convince us to make the leap to a new state, in many ways a whole new world as well. I felt deep in my heart that it was something that God wanted for us but I made myself believe that God wouldn’t ask so much of us.  For a long time I came up with reasons why this was a bad idea.  My husband had a great job,  I was close to getting hired at a good company, myself.  We had lots of friends and I was really close to my mom.  I could name reason after reason why we should not move.  But I was reluctant to accept the reality that this was a command from God.  I was scared.
     
Well, almost all at once, all our reasons for staying, fell apart.  My husbands company began to fail. I was turned down by the company that was so close to hiring me.  Our friends turned their backs on us,  and my Mom and I stopped talking over a ridiculous argument.  It got to the point where we were completely out of excuses.  Finally we accepted God’s command and said, “Alright God, how high are we jumping?”
     
In less than three days our apartment was completely cleaned out.  We packed up the absolute necessities only.  We sold what we could for gas money and we either gave away or threw away the rest.  We were all ready to leave when our trials really started!
     
Satan was definitely trying his best to hold us back.  He knew that what God had in store for us was going to be awesome, and Satan did not want that for us.  The day we were set to leave, my car, that I had just made a payment on was repossessed.  We shrugged it off and used some of our gas money to rent a mini van.  Once we were on the road, my two year old son got a sudden fit of car sickness.  Once we got cleaned up and he was feeling better, we got lost in northern California.  Almost an entire day later, we were back on track, when our front drivers side tire blew out.  It was such a powerful explosion that it broke the entire drivers side rear view mirror clean off!  As my husband and I were on the side of the road, digging through our belongings for the spare tire, I had a complete emotional melt down.  I buried my head in my arms and sobbed like never before.  I felt lost, I wanted to turn back, but to where?  We left everything, we had nothing.  I should have been praying to God for strength, but instead I was cursing my life.  I felt like we had made a huge mistake, and I hated myself for doing it.  I asked my husband, “What were we thinking?”  When suddenly a big white truck pulled up behind us. 
     
A woman with a big golden retriever and an even bigger smile got out and started toward us.  After making sure we were okay and didn’t need her help, she handed me a little card and quietly told me, “God bless your family.”
     
I settled back into the passenger seat of the beat up mini van and read the orange card out loud. At the very top it read, “Encouragement.”  And below that, “For the eyes of the Lord range through out the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9.
     
For the first time since leaving our small sad apartment filled with discouraging and depressing memories, we both smiled, and we continued on our way!  What felt like no longer than an hour later, we pulled up the long rocky driveway, right up to where God had wanted us to be.
     
Although I knew that this was only the beginning of our new lives, and we had plenty of work ahead; I still felt the first bit of hope, the first bit of peace, and a great deal of confidence in what was to come!
     
It’s never easy to let go of what we think is right in life, and follow God to our leaps in life.  Once we are able to put our full faith in the Lord, and do what He wants of us we find that the things He has in store for us is a thousand times better than anything we could achieve on our own!
     
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”  James1: 2-3.
   

The Men From Galilee

lyricoc@yahoo.com

On the day they were all together
Suddenly from heaven came a wind
It filled the house that they were in

And they saw tongues of fire
Come to rest on everyone
The mystery HAD BEGUN

God was praised in every language
From men who lived in galilee
Drunk with wine they couldn’t be

And they were filled with the holy spirit
And they began to speak as they were led 
And the crowd was in amazement
Because of what the holy spirit said

Those who believed in his message
Through the water and the blood
Three thousand added on that day
I can almost hear them pray

And they were filled with the holy spirit
And they began to speak as they were led
And the crowd was in amazement
Because of what the holy spirit said

A's And B's

lyricoc@yahoo.com

When I became a Christian, at the age of 30, I thought that I should immediately be flawless, It didn’t take long to see that I wasn’t.  So when I would have what some people call; bad luck, right away I would think that God was mad at me and I was getting what I deserved.  I even got to the point where I felt that bumping my head, burning dinner, or getting a flat tire was punishment for not being able to do everything that I felt I should be doing as a Christian.
   
I can clearly remember praying,  “God, why can’t I do this Christian stuff?”  I wanted to be perfect, NOW!  I  struggled with these feelings until God used my nine year old daughter, Elizabeth, to help me through this.
   
I was having another one of those days when everything was going wrong.  Because of this, I was angry with myself for not being good enough.  I felt I must have brought all the bad things on myself.  This thought had been going through my mind all day.  What a shock I got when later that night , on her way to bed, Elizabeth tripped and fell, and what she said to me were the exact words I had used in a prayer to God that morning.  Liz said, “Why is everything going wrong?  Why am I always getting hurt?”  She went on to say, “I must be a bad girl and deserve to be hurt.”  All my thoughts about me being bad went out of my head and all I could think of was comforting and encouraging her, “No, you’re not a bad girl.  You need to be more careful and watch what you are doing.  You also need to get some sleep, it’s late and you are tired.”  I could see that she wasn’t convinced, she was still feeling frustrated.  Liz said, “Mom, I just can not do anything right.”  She added, “I’m just stupid.”  I knew that wasn’t true, but I didn’t know how to convince her of that.  Then something that had happened in her class at school, came to mind.
   
Elizabeth had been having some trouble learning her times tables.  But she practiced hard, and soon after, her teacher said that she was getting A’s and B’s on all her papers.  I reminded her of what her teacher had said, and added, “If you were stupid you wouldn’t be getting such good grades now.”  I told her that when things are new to us, they may seem hard.  We might make a lot of mistakes, but if we practice and don’t give up we will get our A’s and B’s.
   
At that moment, it was like a light bulb went on in my head.  I could tell that God was using Liz to talk to me.  He was answering my questions , comforting and encouraging me, as He was giving me the answers to comfort and encourage my daughter.  God really does speak to us in many different ways.  That night I learned not to be hard on myself, perfection comes through Jesus.  I also learned that it takes time, practice and percervence with God’s help to do something new, well.  And that does include living a Christian life.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Catalina

Lyricoc@yahoo.com

When we are guilty of one sin, we are guilty of them all.  James 2:10 says, “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking it all.”  If you tell a lie but do everything else just right, and you judge someone else who is steeling and fornicating, you might as well be steeling and fornicating as well.  
     
But the good news is because of what Jesus did on the cross, we are forgiven of all our sins.  That also means we can’t claim to be righteous by the good works we do and I would think that the closer you become to being like Jesus, the harder it is to stay humble.  We all want to think of ourselves as doing well, but the truth is that All have sinned and fall short.  So we are all equally guilty and we are all equally forgiven, if we ask, a humbling thought.
     
There is a story about three guys standing on the pier at Huntington beach.  The first guy ran a bit and jumped straight out into the ocean.  He yelled up, “Hey, I did pretty good!”  

The second guy stepped back and ran a few feet and jumped out and again, straight into the ocean just farther then the first guy, he yelled, “I did better!”  

The third guy got quite a bit of a running start and then out and down into the ocean.  He boasted, “I did the best!”  

One of the on lookers yelled down to the men, “What are you doing?”  

The men yelled back, “We are jumping to Catalina Island.”
     
When we do good, sometimes we want to boast.  But for us to be as good as Jesus, is as hard as trying to jump off Huntington pier to Catalina, Impossible, on our own.  Only through the blood of Jesus can we claim to be righteous.  So when we get that urge to boast, boast of Jesus and his unequaled goodness and power.
     
1 Corinthians 1:30 and 31, “It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus , who has become for us wisdom from God- that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption therefore, as it is written: let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

Carol

lyricoc@yahoo.com

I love my sister, Carol, She’s funny, smart and easy going.  The thing that has always impressed me the most about her is that she always has something good to say about everyone.  I also had a friend that had bad things to say about people.  At one time I found her interesting.  I listened to all the gossip she had on everyone and found myself joining right in.
     
One day it hit me, if this friend is saying bad things about other friends, to me, I wonder what she is saying about me behind my back.  I started to feel uncomfortable every time I was with her.  I was conscious of every move I made, always wondering if she was going to pick out something negative to say about me, when I wasn’t around.  I didn’t like the way that made me feel.
     
And then there was Carol, what I saw in her made me feel good.  I always knew that if she brought up my name when I wasn’t around it would be to say something positive that she saw in me.
     
My prayer is that in Christ those character qualities that so impressed me about my sister, Carol, will also be seen in me.