Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A's and B's

     When I became a Christian at the age of 30, I thought that I should immediately be flawless, it didn't take long to see that I wasn't.  So when I would have what some people call; bad luck, right away, I would imagine that God was mad at me, and I thought I was getting what I deserved.  I even got to the point where I felt that bumping my head, burning dinner, or getting a flat tire, was punishment for not being able to do everything that I should be doing as a Christian.
     I remember praying,  "God, why can't I do this Christian stuff."  I wanted to be perfect, NOW!  I struggled with these feelings until God used my nine year old daughter, Elizabeth, to help me through this.
     I was having another one of those days where everything was going wrong. Because of this, I was angry with myself for not being good enough.  I felt that I must have brought all the bad things on myself.  This thought had been going through my mind all day.  What a shock I got when later that night, on her way to bed, my daughter Elizabeth tripped and fell.  And what she said to me, were the exact words I had used in a prayer to God that morning.  Liz said, "Why is everything going wrong?  Why am I always getting hurt?"  She went on to say, "I must be a bad girl, I must deserve to get hurt."  All the thoughts about me being bad went out of my head and all I could think of was comforting her.  I said, "No Liz, you're not a bad girl.  You just need to be more careful and watch what you are doing.  It's also late and you need to get some sleep."  I could see that she wasn't convinced, she was still feeling frustrated.  Liz said, "Mom, I just can not do anything right."  She added, "I am stupid!"  I knew that wasn't true, but I wasn't sure how to convince her of that.  Then something that happened in her class at school came to mind.
     Elizabeth had been having trouble learning her times tables.  But she practiced, hard, and soon after, her teacher said that she was getting A's and B's on all of her papers.  I reminded her of what her teacher had said, and I added, "If you were stupid you wouldn't be getting such good grades, now."  I told her that when things are new to us, they may seem hard.  But if we practice and don't give up, we will get our A's and B's. 
     At that moment it was like a light bulb, turning on in my head.  I could tell that God was using Liz, to talk to me.  The Holy Spirit was answering my questions, comforting and encouraging me, as He was giving me the answeres to comfort and encourage my daughter.  God does speak to us in many different ways.  That night I learned not to be so hard on myself, perfection comes through Jesus.  I also learned that it takes time, practice and perserverence, with Gods help to do something new and do it well.  And that does include living a Christian life. 

Mom

In her eyes a hero
The man in a uniform
A tear as she drinks her tea
Three years and she still morns

A beauty, a soldier
Lives lived in pictures, now
Grown children left for time
A sixty year marriage vow

Over and over
She tells the story
About the two lovers
In their days of glory

A locket worn daily
Many pieces of life lived
Memories held so dear
So special the gift God gives

He was too young to go then
She sits day by day
Waiting to reunite
Her shows passing time that way

A rose to remember
His face she will see then
Tenderness and laughter
Together they will be again

Another Day

Every day she does the same old thing
looking hard to find her long lost joy
she walks around her place, just to pass the time
stops at the window, watches yellow dim to blue

passing the same old houses again and again
never noticing the faces as she goes by
the doors to the streets seem always closed
and in her mind she asks, why even try?

and she marks off another day
and another day goes by

She's filled with emptiness, her feelings out of focus
her desire for life is no longer there
running our of time she's lost her young hope
and she feels, why even try?

Remember Him, and unheard voice is crying
Remember Him before the silver cord is cut
Remember Him before this body turns to dust
Remember him before the Spirit is gone

and she marks off another day
and another day is gone

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Blood

     Deuteronomy 12:23 "But be sure you do not eat the blood, because the blood is life and you must not eat the life with the meat."
     Leviticus 17:11 "For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourself on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one's life."
     In May of 1995, my husband, Mark, found out that he had hepititis C.  It was in his body and the doctors found this out with a little sample of Mark's blood.  They could also see that he had very high cholesterol, through a blood test. When Mark goes in for dialysis, the nurses can tell him all about how his body is functioning through a simple blood test.  These tests give them all the chemical levels and information, so adjustments can be made if necessary.  The blood is so important and it's something that most people rarely think about.
     In our family we think about it much more often because of the hepititis C.  We are very careful not to get any of Mark's blood into our body because if we did, we might take on his disease, and it could damage our body just as it has done to his. 
     Jesus gave us his perfect blood so that we can take on his life, his characteristics, his perfect mind and health.  Just one drop of blood can do a whole world of damage, or a whole world of good.  Jesus said in John 6;54 "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."
     Romans 5;9 "since we have now been justified by the blood, how much more will we be saved from God's wrath through him!"
     John 6:56 "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him."
     DNA is in the blood.  It is the principal carrier of genetic information in almost every organism.  The DNA carries the inherited information, the activities of cells and thus the growth and function of the entire body.  Chromosomes determine physical and mental abilities and even personality.
     Antibodies are in the blood.  They can prevent and sometimes treat infectious disease.
     We don't know everything there is to know about our bodies and the blood, but we do know that the Bible tells us to drink the blood of Jesus.  For some, it's merely a symbolic gesture but if you have the faith and the knowledge that the Bible gives us through the Holy Spirit, the blood is a powerful thing, Romans 3:25 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement through Faith in His blood."
     1Corinthians 11:29 and 30 "For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks jugdment on himself.  That is why many among you are weak and sick and a number of you have fallen asleep.
     It's important that we look within ourselves, and judge our walk with God.  When we partake of the Lord's Supper we're not to do it lightly, like some kind of ceremony that has no value, but we are to revere, respect, and remember the body that was broken, and the blood that was shed.  For if Jesus had not shed his precious blood we would be a people with no hope for a future.

The Two Cards

     A large part of worship for a Christian is repeating words of praise and singing songs of praise that we didn't write ourselves.
     My son, Elijah, was just a baby.  I was singing a worship song while I was feeding him his breakfast.  I looked over to my coffee table and there was something on the table that caught my eye.  My husband Mark gave me a card a little while after we were first married.  He didn't give it to me for any other reason than to express in words how much he loved me.  He didn't write the words himself, but I knew he felt them and that made that card very special to me.  So special that I put it in a frame and put it on a table so I could treasure it.
     On our one year anniversary, Mark gave me another card.  This card also talked about love, but this card was different.  The difference was that we were arguing at the time and I felt he bought the card out of a sense of obligation.  Looking at the first card he had given me sitting in its frame on my coffee table and thinking about the second card, pondering the difference between the two cards, I started to wonder if Jesus receives our praises the same way.  When we worship out of obligation, maybe he appreciates the act, but heart felt worship, he treasures.
     I knew when Mark gave me the second card, that he loved me even though we were arguing, I also knew that the reasons for giving me the cards were different.  And knowing that, I just wasn't as touched by the second card.  He bought it and gave it to me because he thought that I expected it because of the arguement, not because of some strong feelings of love that he just had to express to me.  The deep feelings made the words that someone else wrote on that first card come alive for me.
     The two cards helped me to understand the way I expressed my feelings to God in a way I couldn't before.  Picturing God taking my praise and treasuring it, helps me to worship him out of love and not out of obligation.

Piano Lessons

     Once a week when I was in grade school, I would spend an hour taking a lesson to learn how to play the piano.  Along with that my Mom set up a half an hour practice time for every day.  This went on for about three years.  At the end of those three years, I was an average piano player.  I could read music and I could play three books full of basic songs.  After practicing and lessons for three years, I played a little bit here and a little bit there but I never got really good.
     What is the difference between an expert or professional piano player and me?  I would say, love, time, and dedication.
     God has given us the gift of Jesus, how much time should we spend with Him?  One hour a week?  One hour a week and a half an hour a day, maybe?  As with my piano lessons that might make us average Christians, but it takes more to really excel.  We should love Jesus, dedicate ourselves to Him, and practice the things that He wants to teach us.
     Some of the things that we should be dedicated to are:
1. Reading and studying the Bible; Know God and what He wants
     for us.
2.Prayer; prayer sharpens us.  You can cut a lot of wood with a dull
     ax, but why would you want to work harder for less.  So sharpen
     your ax.
3.Fellowship; keeps the fire burning.  It takes many pieces of wood
     close  together, to make a good fire.  If you take just one of the
     sticks, put it in the fire and let it catch fire then set it apart from
     the others, chances are it would go out.  We need fellowship to
     keep us burning strong.  And sometimes we need it most when
     when we want it least.
4.Giving; our heart is where our treasure is, and not the other way
     around.  Give to God where he leads, and your heart will be with
     Him.
5.Ministry; Ministry feeds us.
    
     So weather it's piano, or Jesus, it takes love, time, practice and dedication to be more than average, to excel.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Bottle

     I found out that my husband, Mark, was very sick and wouldn't be able to do the work that we had been doing.  Within a week of getting that information, we found out that we were going to have another baby.  I wasn't handling the news very well.  I did a lot of complaining about my circumstances and I did a lot of crying.  During prayer, I confessed to God that I didn't understand what He was doing.  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God worked for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  I knew that scripture, in my head, but my heart was screaming out, "I can't take it anymore!"  With all the problems we were having, I couldn't see any good that could possibly come out of it.  I felt as if God had abandoned us.  Maybe he just stopped loving us.  I know that God is more powerful than Satan so if God still loved us, why was he letting us go through all of this?  Why didn't He just give us the things that we needed when we needed them and keep us from going through these hard things?  my constant prayers were more like temper tantrums.  I thank God for his faithfulness and the answer that he gave me.
     When our son, Elijah was a new born, he would wake up, hungry, many times during the night.  I would feed him and he would go back to sleep.  He was now over a year old and still waking upfor a middle of the night bottle.  Mark and I decided that he was to old to be getting a bottle, so we were trying to get him out of the habit.  For the next four weeks when Elijah would wake up and whimper a little for his bottle, we would hold off giving it to him.  Some of the nights he would whimper a little while , then go back to sleep and some of the nights he wouldn't.  The nights that he didn't go right back to sleep, instead of giving him the bottle right away, we would give him his favorite stuffed animal.  Some of the nights that would be enough to pacify him, he would go back to sleep.  Some nights nothing but a bottle would get him to go back to sleep.  This process was difficult, but it was working.  Mark and I were happy at how well Elijah was doing.
     One night Elijah woke up screaming, instead of the usual whimpering.  I gave him his bottle.  He laid down and drank a little, then stood up in his crib, screaming again.  Mark picked him up and tried comforting him, but the crying kept up.  I thought maybe he had a bad dream, he had done this a few times before.  I had found at those times, after making sure nothing else was wrong, the best thing was to just let him cry.  I knew he would cry for a few minutes, then settle down, and fall back to sleep.
     When my oldest daughter, Christina was a baby, after she had been sleeping through the night for some time, she started waking up in the middle of the night.  I would get her out of bed and hold her until she was quiet and looked sleepy, then I would put her back in her bed.  The first few nights she would go right back to sleep, but each night it got harder and harder for her to get back to sleep.  I didn't want her to cry.  I didn't like to see her uncomfortable, but by getting her up every night, I was helping her to form a bad habit, that wasn't doing either one of us any good.  I realized that I had to get tough the night I was laying on the floor of her room, half asleep, she had been wide awake, playing for an hour.  It had progressed to this point over about a month.
     The night that Mark and I were up with Elijah, I remembered what had happened with Christina.  I felt that if we comforted Elijah until he was ready to go back to sleep, we might end up with the same situation.  Mark and I kissed Elijah and we told him that we loved him, then we put him back in his crib and let him cry.  He cried for a while, and not picking him up was a hard thing to do , but he finally did lay sown and go back to sleep.  2:30 am he was awake and crying again.  It was then that I got the message that I believe God was trying to teach me.
     When my baby cries, the first thing I do is make sure that he is okay.  When I am sure of that, the second thing I do is decide what is going to be more important for the long run.  Sometimes as parents we have to let our child be uncomfortable, if it's for that  child's own good.
     Christina got into a habit of being awake every night for a half hour to an hour.  It wasn't good for her.  Elijah was used to falling asleep with a bottle.  When he was a baby, that was okay, but as he got older, it wasn't a good thing.  And if we would have kept him up, comforting him, we might have helped him to substitute the bottle habit for a habit like Christina's.  That wouldn't have been healthy for any of us.  I hate to see my children cry, but there are times when it is important to stand back and let them be uncomfortable. 
     Christina was too young to understand why I didn't pick her up in the middle of the night.  She cried every night for a week, and I laid there awake hating every minute of it.  But after that week, she could sleep through the night.  Elijah was too young to understand why he couldn't have a bottle during the night, he couldn't understand that we didn't want him to depend on that bottle to get to sleep.  That was also hard, but now he sleeps without a bottle. 
     We all have to grow.  What is good for a new born, is not good for an older child.  And letting my child be uncomfortable in a circumstance doesn't mean that I don't love that child.  What it does mean, is that I care so much for that child that I am willing to let him, or her, go through some hard things so that they can become a healthy child and grow into a healthy adult.
     God knows what is best for me and my growth.  What I see is that I am uncomfortable.  I want things my way and I don't understand why I can't have them.  James 1:2-4 tells us to, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because the testing of your faith developes perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
     I still don't understand the reason for what God is doing, but there is peace in knowing that he is my loving Father, and that he wants me to grow into a healthy adult, mature and complete.

Charged Up

     It was a Saturday afternoon.  My husband, Mark, kissed me and our two boys, good-by, and he was out the door.  He was on his way to the Church to meet with his friend and band member, Mike, to practice for an upcoming concert.  Minutes after he went out the door, he was back inside.  He said that the station wagon wouldn't start.  The battery was dead, no lights, no radio, nothing.  At first I couldn't understand what could have happened.  I was the last one to drive it a few days earlier.  As I thought back, I had a faint memory of my two young boys, playing with the over-head reading lights.  I must not have paid enough attntion,  and left them on.  Mark pulled the van around and hooked up the jumper cables.  I tried turning over the engine in th station wagon, All I got was clicking noises.  "Try again", Mark said, ...more clicking noises.  We let it charge awhile, revving up the van a little.  I tried it again, this time along with the clicking was the sound of the radio.  More waiting while it charged, then another try, it came very close to starting.  Another try and thank God, it started!
     I like to think that I am full of spiritual power all the time, but sometimes I feel like that drained battery, and what I need is a direct link to the power source (God); Jesus being sort of like my jumper cables, and the Holy Spirit being the power.
     I remember my dad telling me that you have to start a sitting car once in a while or the battery would go bad.  When we get away from our power source for a long period of time, our power can slowly drain.  And if we're not careful, Satan will find ways of draining that power even faster (like that light that was left on drained the station wagon battery).
     So if you've been at a spiritual stand still for a long time, or Satan has found a way to speed up your draining process, give yourself a chance, don't try the ifnition and give up!  Hook up, charge up, be patient, and let God's power grow!