By The Grace Of God

     My Husband, Mark, told me something years ago that got me to think.  He said, "When  you are bothered by something in a person, look close at yourself, it could be that you are bothered, because you are the same way."
     I wrote a letter to a friend, telling her how bad I was feeling.  I told her that my family was having a hard time.  My son, Michael, had just been born, that alone was hard, but we also had to learn how to deal with Mark's hepatitis C.  We were finding it harder and harder to do the sign work that we had been doing, because we now had two babies and Mark was just to sick to work.  We were getting into deep debt, and I was getting very depressed.  I wrote about all of the pain that I felt when I attended Church.  Seeing people happy and doing well financially, hurt me inside.  I felt less of a person, even though no one ever said anything bad, I felt sure that people were looking down on me. 
     Writing that letter to my friend, along with the words that Mark had said to me, made me realize that I felt the way I did not because of the way others treated me, but because I thought the way they treated me should have changed.  When Mark and I were doing well financially and emotionally, I might have looked down on someone like me because I didn't understand what they had been through.  I didn't see it in myself, but I was filled with pride.  I might have looked down on taking charity, borrowing money, or people loosing their temper.  That changed.
     My step daughter, Melody, was staying with us off and on, and I watched her loose her temper at times.  She had two children of her own, then she took on the responsibility of her young brother and sister.  She always seemed tense and angry.  I didn't understand what she was going through.  I looked at her situation and I prayed for God to help.  God heard my prayer and answered in a way I would have never expected.  He showed me that a change in circumstances could turn a fairly patient woman into a woman on the edge.
     Melody asked us if we could watch her son for ten days while she went out of town.  He was under a year old and my sons, Michael and Elijah were also babies.  The first few days went fine, but as the days went by, I got more and more tired from the added responsibility.  And her baby, Gabriel, decided that he was tired of us and he wanted his own Mom.  He cried most of the next seven days.  On top of all the maddness that seemed to be going on, one of the days, Mark had to spend the day at school, and I just happened to have one of the worst headaches I can remember.  Three helpless babies and me, a very tired and nervous woman with a terrible headache, and no one to help me.  By the time Mark came home I was a wreck!  I was in tears and yelling.  I felt I was breaking down.
     It was then that I not only understood what Melody must have gone through, but also gained a respect for the guts and strength she showed in that year she had her young brother and sister.  I feel bad that I looked down on her.  The worst part of it was that I had no idea how prideful I was.  God has a way of setting up a situation to open your eyes, and then He whispers, "Look."
     My prayer for myself is that I can look at people in situations different from my own and not lift myself up by putting others down, but that I can learn to feel for them.  Then when I pray it can be out of love and empathy.  The saying that was impressed on me was, "There by the grace of God go I."