The Beginning

     I was born in Perry Iowa.  My family moved to California when I was two years old.  I grew up in La Mirada.  My parents were everything a kid could ask for, but I was depressed and I suffered with anxiety.  My first memory of this problem was age five.  I took a hand full of flowers that my mom warned me against touching because they were poisonous.  I picked them, and I ate them, nothing happened, and no one ever knew.
     By the time I was fourteen I had hurt my self quite a few times.  But no one found out until I ended up in the hospital for cutting my wrists.  I spent two weeks in the hospital, had a year of counseling, and still nothing changed for me.
     I got married eight months after I graduated High School.  I had three beautiful kids, a beautiful home, and still I battled depression and anxiety.  I left that life at the age of twenty eight.
     I met a wonderful man named Mark, and married him at the age of thirty.  I gave my life to Jesus and Mark re- committed.  I struggled with the same problems for the next few years while we kept a sign business going.  I had my two boys at the age of thirty five.  Around the age of thirty seven, I ended up in the hospital again because of an over dose.
     I finally got on medication.  After trying many different anti- depressants the doctors came up with a good combination around age thirty nine.  I felt like someone turned on a light for me.  Life is still a chalenge, my life is actually harder than it has ever been, but now I feel more like living than dying.
     Financial hardships destroy so many families, and we had our share, but still remain a close knit, loving family.  My husband, Mark was diagnosed with Hepatitis C, in 1994.  As a result we had to stop our business and go on SSI.
     Mark had open heart surgery in 2006.  While he was in the hospital, he lost the use of his kidneys.  I have taken care of him over the last five years, well, we take care of each other.
     Bruce Springsteen sings, "It aint no sin to be glad you're alive."  I have spent much time wishing I could understand how that feels.  I'm not quite there yet.  My life is a daily struggle, but I can say that I am happy.