Courage

     At times I have felt like I wanted more in my spiritual life.  But I have stayed where I am because I was comfortable with what I believed.  I have been afraid of the difficulty involved in possible growth.  When things came up that made me question the doctrine of what I believed, I felt apprehensive to take an honest look and maybe admit that I had been wrong about a point of conviction
     Now I am not talking about the Gospel.  The Gospel is the good news, that Jesus died on the cross so that we can be saved.  That, I will not budge on.  But there are small differences that Christians have, that today might seem right, but tomorrow , I could be proven wrong.
     Something happened that forced me to look at all of this a little closer.  I met two people with in a few days, that believed a little different than I believed.  Though we were three Christians, looking at the same thing, three different ways.  Each one of us was positive that what we had learned was the truth.  I didn't understand how that could be.  I wanted to look into the subject a bit deeper, but I was afraid that I might be the one that was wrong.  Each one of us was being close minded.  We clung on to what we had learned.  I had convincing arguements and scriptures to back up what I was saying, but, so did they.
     What was happening?  Was I holding on to my way of thinking because it was familiar and easier than checking out something new?  Was I afraid of finding out that some of what I believed was wrong?  Again, I'm not talking about the Gospel.  And how would being wrong make me look?  Oh, and what about the work?  If I was wrong, I would have to take the time and make the effort to learn something new, taking a risk of making mistakes until it became familiar to me.  It would be so much easier to decide these other two views were wrong.
     My husband, Mark, has been a musician for most of his life.  He is extremely gifted.  He taught himself to play guitar and piano by ear.  He was very comfortable with this style of playing.  After all these years of playing on his own, he decided to go back to school, and learn how to read music.  He enrolled in a beginning piano class at the collage.  I know it was a humbling experience for him.  He has played on our Church worship team for years.  He also had a band on the side that has played for many Christian concerts.  With all the experience that he has with music, he still had a hard time in this beginning collage class.  He was making many mistakes, playing the most basic songs.  it took a lot of courage for Mark to put himself in the position of being a student, and learn a new way of playing.
     I wanted to have the courage that Mark showed, and I wanted to know more spiritually.  But I still had to search my heart to find out if I could handle the time and effort involved.  I also had to put my pride aside, and know that I will make some mistakes.  When I was honest with myself, I realized that nothing should be as important as knowing what was true and what was right.  I need to be able to do this without an , "Out to prove something," attitude.  And instead have a, "If this is true, I want to know." attitude.
     This may make me feel venerable, but in the end, I will know the truth, and be sure of it.
     Mark almost failed the begining music class.  He was going to give up and take the failing grade, but two days before the final, he changed his mind.  Mark studied and he learned a new way of playing the piano.  He passed the class with a B.  I thought he did an amazing job. 
     Now I have to find that courage that Mark found and open my eyes and ears and study, so that I can continue my walk with the Lord, and as Paul says in 2 Timothy 2: 15, "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."